Life Always Seems to Get in the Way

•September 12, 2013 • 3 Comments
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow

Where to start?  I have the best of intentions, really I do.  And I intended many times to write and update, but you know, the dog ate my homework.  And then I would say, I will do that blog tomorrow, but then the other dog ate my homework, I had to wash my hair, help the spawn with homework (even in the summer) and well, tomorrow never comes.  Its a vicious cycle.

Its been a weird time in my life.  In July, I had to have hip surgery.  My trying to keep on top of things, rehab my knee and get back into a workout routine kept getting sidelined with the sometimes inability to walk and you know, live life.  It was a depressing phase and I was starting to lose hope and options.  In April, I found a knee doctor who finally agreed that my knee issues should be as bad as they were, but were exacerbated by hip bursitis.  This was the 3rd diagnosis of hip bursitis, but this doctor suggested after several years of treatment if this hip didn’t improve, the bursa would have to be removed surgically.  After taking spawn and BFF to Walt Disney World and coming home in so much pain I could barely walk for a week, I called the doctor and told him to schedule whatever had to be done to help me walk as pain free as possible.

Surgery was the last resort for my issue.  I had the bursa in my right hip removed, and the IT Band released.  The IT Band is the tendon that runs down the length of the leg, and it was putting pressure against the bursa and pulling up on the leg, making my right leg appear shorter than my left.  Clipping the tendon released that tension.  I may eventually have to have this done on the left side, but we will see.  For now, 10 weeks post op, I feel like I have improved to about 90% of where I should be.

In this process, I became so weak, I begged the doctor to let me go to the gym at the 6 week post op point.  His answer was no (with a wink) but he allowed physical therapy.  After 4 weeks of PT in the relaxing pool (96 degrees, mild current, and utter exhaustion after 30 minute session) I am moving up to land therapy, and am now allowed to go back to the gym in moderation.  For someone who didn’t love a workout before, my body is craving it, aching for it.   I am so excited to get that part of my life back, and the benefits I know who will come along with that!

But thank you to all for your support and love.  Hubby has been patient, picking up all those extra chores even though the control freak in me cringes and I have to find a way to stop making faces and show my appreciation.  I promise to be more faithful here, and can’t wait to restart my healthy life journey again!

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Being Selfish

•March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

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I don’t think of myself as a selfish person, but lately I have been thinking about that very thing.

When I was a kid, I was taught to share, and I think I passed with flying colors. I was taught to give to the others. As I grew older, I discovered the book about the love languages and realized that my love language has to do with gifts. I love to give them, it’s how I show my love for others in a big way. I have to keep reminding my husband about that!

But I can’t seem to be selfish. I am realizing that in order to reach my goals financially, physically – I have to become selfish. It’s a huge struggle for someone like me.

I really have to move past that and out myself as a priority. Anyone else have that problem?

See there Kim – whew, got through the first one after a long absence!

Baby Got Back

•January 10, 2013 • Leave a Comment

J Lo ain’t got nothing on me! Sure she is gorgeous, great body and super wealthy, but when it comes to assets, I got me a gluteus maximus!

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I really love shopping. Its a sport for me. I could shop for hours and buy lots of things and shop for hours and buy nothing. I love looking, touching the merchandise. It is a pastime my hubby does not understand. I don’t enjoy it as much as I used to though. Its getting harder to find things to buy that I like on me. I have grand ideas about what I will be able to wear “when I lose the weight.” Very few things fit well, and the things that do, quite frankly are frumpy and not what I would prefer. So I deal with what is there, buy when I need, but always feel like nothing fits right, looks good.

Tonight I ran to the mall while the teen was at dance class. I had an hour to myself to find pants for work. Not so exciting, but I had Christmas money from Grandma (love her) and I am wearing the same few pairs to work. I really wanted a dark gray or a black pinstripe. But I came home with the same black and black with a small flecked pattern. Heck, its what I already have at home, so I will still look like I am wearing the same type of pants day after day, but I will know I secretly have two more pairs to circulate in with the others. Woo hoo for me.

So in looking for the pathetic pants made by clothing designers who think fat women obviously want to look ugly, I came across something that should never ever be in the plus size section (oops, sorry at my local Younkers they call it Women’s Studio – because that is ever so much more pleasant.) Leggings? For Fat Women? Really? Who that that would be a good idea? Oh but wait these ones are made to look like trousers. They even have seams on the front, they look like they are a much fuller cut. Yea, I tried those things on. BAD IDEA! The part that looked a boot cut only served to make me look like I was wearing Minnie Mouse shoes. The hugged nice and tight all around my stomach, hips and thighs. Whoever said black was slimming had NOT SEEN THESE!

So I settled for my two pairs of pants that made me look the same as before, but it works for now. Last time I will buy that size! To make myself feel better, I bought a Jones New York bright pink sweater. If I have to wear something crappy on the bottom, I might as well make the best of it on top!

Thanks for all the support so far! I really appreciate all of you!

Here we go!

•January 9, 2013 • 2 Comments

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So this is it.  The time in my life to be done lugging around an extra 100 pounds of excess eating, bad diet choices, lack of exercise.  I don’t know what is going to happen and I am petrified!

I have been down this road before, trying to count calories, fiber grams, points and just trying to be good, do better.  None of it worked long term.

Confession time – I am at the heaviest I have ever been in my life.  Its scaring the crap out of me.  Its scaring me that its getting harder and harder to find clothes to buy, I am starting to have health issues, and I don’t know how much longer I can lead a semi active lifestyle keeping up with my family.  I am scared to leave them, and scared by the tv shows showing obese people bed ridden living their life.  That is not the life I want for me.

So this time my weight loss journey is going to be available for anyone to read.  Thanks for joining me!